Berkeley, Wednesday March 18, 2020 2:11 AM
The clock is ticking or overdue at this time, which I should be in bed by now. Yesterday, and other days, when I had to finish a product I might have skipped. I call products to deliverables either an assignment report or whatever that needs to be done.
I skipped posting here entirely during the fall. While I was teaching and taking two classes, time would have been a restrictions, but other sometimes the content could be too personal or awkward or why should I inform part of my schedule, or my detailed schedule in other times?
Perhaps writing here could consume some time, and perhaps defines a state of mind, personality, identifies insecurities. If that is the case, well plenty of these is the purpose of reflecting. The question of why in a website, which actually I do not know if someone reads, speaking in terms of receiving feedback.
I also explore curiosities, and while it is a think tank blog, I normally write what I want at that time. The topic of an essay might shift sometimes, while writing.
This one has been a slow one. I get some anger in the late afternoon, when I thought of getting rid of this habit of writing here and of having a blog.
Ah, I forgot to say, when one is teaching it might become harder to analyze publicly in this space mistakes either during the teaching time or during the own time, such as looking closely on decisions or procrastination, though I the latter is not usually the case, the case is how to work faster.
I normally let the recognition to who would like. Normally, I analyze my mistakes, rather than others, at least here. I, however, not exempt of doing so, without further thought.
When mentioned my schedule, which I call analyzing the day, sometimes I have mentioned the names or initials from Professors, colleagues, and so on. I hope people would let me know in case if I ever mentioned them here, if that are ok or not with that. While trying to be straightforward, which is not the case now, as I am not that clear not, I would not put anyone in an uncomfortable situation by mentioned here.
Back to two paragraphs above. Around 7 PM I got anger, as a result that I have missed for five days a deadline. Monday midnight when was the time to start the shelter in place, I was trying to finish the last calculations on the computers on campus, which have the software. I did the work by midnight, and with the packing from the stuff from my desk, I might have left campus 0:10 AM, yesterday. Better to collaborate with these conditions.
Tuesdays, I have classes from 9 AM to 3:30 PM. I got a short sleep last night. Then, it is a bit hard to focus in the classes, given the current Zoom conditions as well. Which it is fine. I am impressed how fast campus adopted the new system. There have not been interruption on lectures. Which speaks very well from professors as well.
In the morning class, we had to discuss a paper. I read one week ago, because somehow I thought it was for prior week. While I had part of my notes on the margin of the paper. I think I wrote more notes in a side paper. Now, that I rethink, perhaps it was on the back of the paper from the notes from the job talk.
Thus, I was not fully prepared for presenting the paper. I recalled some arguments, but I think I could not defend well the reason of the negative arguments.
Perhaps, if someone is not that prepared might focus more on the negative aspects, or at least not build well the argument. It is easier to focus on the negative parts than identifying and defend the positive ones. It also depends on the job.
Then, I cooked lunch around 4 PM. And then decided to go to practice some serves. My tennis partner, though we are not playing that often for my fault or availability, was not available.
The tennis courts were busy which was good to see, but bad for practice. In any case, the bike ride was refreshing. Though sad to see the restaurants closed. Hopefully they can make it to mid-April. For my side there is not major difference, as I cook my food anyways.
I went to CVS pharmacy to buy hand sanitizer, though I have some, not a new practice for me, but for buying a thermometer. Just in case for monitoring and checking things. The two products more sold those days. So they did not have anything. Yesterday, which I might say today, Tuesday, was the day where officially the 6 ft interaction with people started.
All of these make sense.
Then I do not if got cumulative angry for the performance in the morning, or a bit anxious for getting back to work on what I need to do. Which might be case, as just doing the job, has a great relief and satisfaction as well. Anyways, I was thinking on deleting this whole thing of the blog.
Calling it even garbage. I actually deleted one of the domains heartpensees.com, which I later was able to restore, with the WordPress assistant team. Though it was just the domain not the main content which I would not delete anyways. More than doing a copy, that I downloaded, the content was still sitting in the web, in the domain with my name, and on the standard Worpress domain. Somehow I decided to keep my domain.
Once I make a decision, I like to stay with it. I do not if I will keep the domain heartpensees.com, which is a deep name, the same content is here as well, but I am in a moment when I am not only in need but in a more action mood, than the reflective one that I use when I baptized or created that domain. I have not closed the blog. I rarely delete post, perhaps I have done that three times. One I recall because it was just a citation of a funny New York Time post. I enjoyed as reference, but there was not content on my writing there. The picture could have been interpreted personal by some, though the mere focus was not make that laughable reference. Another, about GIS and hope before the Fall 2019. While I am not yet inspired by the terms objectification of reality and artificial intelligence, and while I am clear about their good use, I would argue that there are better or simpler or more descriptive ways to call them. I deleted the article because I think it said GIS and hope, but it did not represented actually my state of mind. I have keep my new insights in simple terms though about those topics in recent ones, but I have stated my position here. The third that I ever deleted I actually not recall about what it was. Perhaps it was around June. I do not recall the topic or journal or content, but I recall deleting, if that is correct. [Update 3/20/2020: Oh I recalled the third one I deleted, I just saw it sitting in the trash. It was a joke, which I think is a good one, but it can be irrespecutful or misleading as well. I said The Son of did not come to be Served, but to Serve, and so I went to play tennis. I still think is a good joke, and is good to make jokes, but i did not want to be arrogant dedicating a full post to such a quote. I though deleting it was good, perhaps I will put it back, it is the only post sitting in the trash. OK. I put it back. Then, it seems I just only have deleted two posts in the life of this blog. My thoughts and actions are registered there. You judge me.]
I do not want to delete things, unless those are files not need using storage capacity from a computer. Same as it at home, the computer should stay clean and organized. Both are hard to achieve. At less I have a good structure for the computer, but for home and my desk I need to improve my sorting methods, and optimizing the habit of putting things on the desk from the shelf and back to the shelf after work. I guess optimizing the work flow. Plenty to say about the need to invest more time on organizing and clean things at home. Two days a little spider was scared that I found it on my bed, so ran under it. Otherwise I would rescue it and put it back outside. I guess it came in, because I left the window opened.
The blog is a distraction, which overall I think is useful. Responsibilities shape the frequency, naturally, I suppose. The conclusion is that I will keep enduring this habit.