True live

Berkeley, Wednesday, December 18, 2024 4:35 PM

I am embarrassed of being writing in here. I am embarrassed of many things I wrote in here, which might have led me to theoretical rather than straightforward behavior.

However, and despite the risks involving to write in public, I have seen that I have put in order many things of my life while doing the almost daily reflections.

Is it necessary that they are public?

Probably, but then comes the issue of not getting into the specifics.

I think that many writers are good readers, but probably not the best readers. Because they focus on writing. Writing takes time, and we might choose to do it. Some of us might choose to read. But that while better than watching videos or not reading, does not add the same productivity than writing.

My heart is completely pierced, because in one of the most important dates of the semester, which is wrapping up the semester, I have attended to a few socials. Most of meetings were fine. I am grateful that people invite. This is not an excuse of being behind. The issue is that I disconnected a bit of my daily activities.

Of course, it was wrong to open, or rather, reopen a Facebook and instagram accounts. It sucks to shift my writing focus to reply messages. Then, I might end up focusing on updates on sports, or politics, or other things, i.e. animals in nature, etc. Probably, those things are part of the daily activities of the world as a general globe, but put me on situations where I why am I not doing the specifics.

My cognition and routines have been declining, particularly since 2022. For a few months I had a drink of wine almost everyday. It was fine. Great disruptions, probably, twice between late November and mid-December, around the limits of moderation might have taken a small toll.

Last week I got very sick on Monday.

However, the goals, the deviations, the things that I want are not that fully clear.

They are. But I am not getting too serious, or articulate, or do not complete the sentences of some words.

Why?

I had a terrible meeting today, because I have fallen into mediocracy of doing the minumum, and I did not show enough progress in my own dissertation work. It was not only that. But the horrible sensation of not facing the hard truths of lack of progress.

I will reconnect to my reflective stage.

I think there is a colleague who has not been helpful on my progress either.

But the true is that it can be the others fault.

My method is to track activities, time, and to have a to-do list.

I will make progress with my activities now. Starting with my daily to-do list.