Confessions and reflections

Berkeley, Monday, November 28, 2023 0:40 am

During Spring 2023, when I was supposed to write more, but also recovering from my achilles tendons torn surgery, a positive covid in mid-February, probably a bit of mix feelings heart ache and a bit of guilt of ending early a potential relationship of three dates, odd signals from a PT, which of course were a confusing thing to which I can of reacted, escaping to those things and somehow getting material from a sex shop, and even visiting once a Tokio House., and then also meeting with someone who use to to work on campus before the latter odd events, which created regret, low morals, remorse, and on top of that a very close uncle passed away unexpectedly. To the later one now I see I can relate to what this beautiful soul person I dated briefly and ended abruptly in early January experienced a year ago.

Those were a lot of things to recover from, plus on going tension, then from two neighbors in my building. The strange thing were to receive odd accusations from a neighbor, who use to be a friend. Who knows which forces he joined. To the other neighbor was nothing new, to which I my have some fault in actions or ways to do things, but have not surrender to not claim things I believe are unfair and incorrect. There was complicated to establish a neighbor relationship, because it seem I had some red lines, and I of course crossed few lines as well.

I was probably not fully stable, and late Spring i made some decisions such as selling the car, because I was not using that much. But then buying another one, because one needs a car for plenty of things in Bay Area. That is a longer story.

At the beginning of the spring I got distracted with a couple of things: (i) building a family tree, (ii) learning a lot about history and languages, mainly from Spain and South America, I have take over this again a little bit, learning a bit more about languages, and cultures in the North Pacific, and in particularly in Mexico, Guatemala, and El Salvador, including small parts of the Atlantic in that area, (iii) I watched a couple of times the Formula 1. It is not clear how I am hooked to that. Probably, I enjoy the competition of technologies. Each car, I believe, have more than 200 sensors, that is why so many times drivers ask to the technical engineer about issues with their tires, front wing, etc. Still, drivers must keep their cars on the racing line, while driving at speeds higher than 300 kilometers per hour, and braking sometimes dramatically to taking curves which are higher than 90 degrees but less than 180 degrees, and in those braking zones is where they get their own skills to win races, beyond what the car can provide. It is highly dependable on a good car, but there is a need of strong racers, who can also can handle all the pressure, competition, multiple distractions, fans, media, etc. At the end all these technology often have the drivers as point of contact to the audience. Also while they are teams, fierce competition happens between drivers in the teams themselves, so they have also to handle that pressure. I might not keep following those things because it is an additional distraction to my brain and time. (iv) By reading something around February, plausible during my positive covid times, I learned about this league called Kings League, and that a thing called Twich, which is for gamers existed. It was an error to follow it too closely. Now they have had two splits and two cups.

I also find interesting that some people read this. And I later I get that they read it. Watching somehow closely the last world cup was an error. And plausible trying those online dating apps a few times. Though I have met quite interesting people.

Distractions are loud. Other plausible distraction is to talk time to time to my parents, sister, nieces, and if I see him, to my brother-in-law. But it is good to check in with the family often.

There was a lot in here, which I wrote in parts.

First, where writers should write during winter. Where writers should write at all? But I won’t get into complains. This year I’ve went down deep and dark, but I’ve came back smiling and singing at times.

The important part is that there is some fire back in my heart.

I’ve read plenty of things during this year, but in terms of slow reading, or book that I carry on my backpack, I completed the Hobbit, about to complete the Fellowship of the Ring, and a View of The River as well.

I need to keep an eye on my weight, which increased. I drink a sip of wine in the nights at dinner. Likely about 4 oz. During summer I drank also 5 to 8 oz of beer in many night. The most common was IPA, but I also found a place, Ale Tales, which has tripels. In terms of wine, I drink pinot noir.

No all of these are errors, but I must keep mastering my brain to stay focused, when there is less pressure. Life is a service, if one see it as one the instrument. But one cannot always reach those highs if distracted. There are many aspects that happen, exists, or we do beyond our control, but the more centered, and particularly conscious, the more connected one is to the service.